20 Things Parents of Angels Wish People Would Remember...
1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my babies. The truth is just because you never saw my babies doesn't mean they don't deserve your recognition.
2. I wish that if we did talk about my babies and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my babies. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my babies with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.
3. I wish that you could talk about my babies more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten and that you do care and understand.
4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my babies. The truth is I love my babies and need to talk about them.
5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my babies died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.
6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my babies, the love I feel for my babies, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my babies are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.
7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my babies never existed. The truth is we both know I had a babies growing inside me.
8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.
9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.
10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is losing my babies doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.
11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.
12. I wish you wouldn't think that my babies weren't really babies and they were blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my babies were human lives. My babies had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my babies' body and face. My babies were real people - and they were alive.
13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my babies were born and the days I lost my babies are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.
14. I wish you understood that losing my babies has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you'll still like me.
15. I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the babies I lost and no other baby can replace them. Babies aren't interchangeable. Besides, you do not know whether we have fertility problems too.
16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my babies or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.
17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.
18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.
19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my babies. The truth is my babies were perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying.
20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?
A Grieving Parent
· A grieving parent is someone who will never forget their child no matter how painful the memories are.
· A grieving parent is someone who yearns to be with their dead child but cannot conceive leaving their living ones.
· A grieving parent is someone who has only part of a heart as the rest of it is buried with their child.
· A grieving parent is someone who begs for relief from the memories which plague them and then feels guilty when they get it.
· A grieving parent is someone who pretends to be happy and enjoying life when they really are dying inside.
· A grieving parent is someone who holds the lives of their remaining children as the most precious gift they have.
· A grieving parent is someone who can cry or laugh at the drop of a hat whenever they remember their beloved child.
· A grieving parent is someone who feels as if they just lost their child yesterday no matter how much time has passed.
· A grieving parent is someone who fears for the remaining family because they cannot bear to have any more loss.
· A grieving parent is someone who sits by their child's gravestone and feels a knife stabbing their heart.
· A grieving parent is someone who wants to help others who have lost loved ones because somehow their loss is theirs all over again.
MY MISSING PIECE
62 years I have been searching for my missing piece.
At 21, they told me it was for the best I tried so hard to believe.
At 21, I cried and they told me I should pull myself together I tried so hard to believe I tried so hard to stop.
At 21, they told me there would be other children I tried so hard to see it their way.
At 21, alone, I went on as if nothing had happened.
At 26, there were more children they said, "See, everything is wonderful" I said, "Yes," and it was, but my piece was still missing. Secretly, I thought I must be a bad mother I should be happier. And so life went- A creeping sadness I couldn't shake.
62 years I waited for someone to ask and say "How hard for you". Someone said it and the missing piece has been found, reborn. My baby, my child, my dreams. You were my first step into believing in the future. You, my child, my missing piece. So many years I was isolated from you and myself. Now my pain is clean I still don't know WHY, but I know I have a right to grieve and remember and acknowledge what you mean and meant to me. Strange, now at 83, I truly feel like I can go on.
Anonymous written by an 83 year old woman in treatment for complicated grief 62 years after the death of her baby.
Jalen, mommy loves you so much!
I miss you everyday!
Please help mommy be stronger
for your brother and sisters sake.
You are one special little boy.
You will always live on as long as I have a say,
You will never be forgotten and you are thought of everyday.
Please send mommy some peace as I try to deal with the pain.
You will always be mommy's special little boy,
No matter what people say.
So for now you have to live so far away,
But there will come that day,
it will be special in every way,
The day I get to hold you and say,
I have always loved you
and forever you will stay!
